Certified Piece of Suck: Hall of Shame
5/24/2018
A DECADE AGO, there was an epidemic of shitty skatepark construction. Like toxic mushrooms sprouting out of manure, these lousy lumps were a real bummer. Certified Piece of Suck was our attempt to shine a spotlight and disinfect the problem. Times have changed and now parks have far more skater-input and attention to detail. Here’s a frightful stroll down the Hall of Shame with some of the worst offenders...
Animation and words by Adam Creagan
A mysterious tribe of tweakers built this structure but they went extinct before they could finish a runway or landing.
Circling the toilet bowl of despair—behold the wimpiest pit of all time.
If you squint, this park is OK. Better yet, just imagine you’re somewhere else.
Even a leprechaun couldn't sack on this tiny rail. Which is a shame, because that footage would be gold.
Circling the toilet bowl of despair—behold the wimpiest pit of all time.If you squint, this park is OK. Better yet, just imagine you’re somewhere else.Even a leprechaun couldn't sack on this tiny rail. Which is a shame, because that footage would be gold.
Those European musical festivals need to chill.
Someone laid serious pipe here.
Is he 9-feet tall or does this park just suck balls?
Take a snooze cruise.
A Rosemary’s Baby that should have never been conceived.
So bad it’s almost rad. Here’s a monument to brain transplants.
Rain or shine, this King of Crap is all too real.
Captain Crust
A Rosemary’s Baby that should have never been conceived.So bad it’s almost rad. Here’s a monument to brain transplants.Rain or shine, this King of Crap is all too real.Captain Crust
You can’t spell simplicity without limp and pity. 
Drop in and wish upon one of the stars you see from your concussion.
Nowhere is safe from Suck!
Nowhere is safe from Suck!A Winchester Mystery Handrail that can only be ridden by skate ghosts.
This dish seems harmless but skaters have actually fallen asleep and died while riding it.
Even a summer rain can’t wash away the stink on this sucky slab.
This dish seems harmless but skaters have actually fallen asleep and died while riding it.Even a summer rain can’t wash away the stink on this sucky slab.Ancient Proverb: beware bogus turd on the path to wisdom.
Circular logic: We clearly have here a lousy park. But that’s OK because it’s shitty anyway.
Hope your pushing leg is strong.
Five handrails to hell plus a devilishly kinked corner pocket.
Circular logic: We clearly have here a lousy park. But that’s OK because it’s shitty anyway.Hope your pushing leg is strong.Five handrails to hell plus a devilishly kinked corner pocket.
The locals here are gnarly! They stink, drop turds, and will head-butt you.
What’s important is that they tried.
Got quick feet? Not quick enough.
Color Me Badd.
Might as well fill this bird-bath with water and make it a spa for pigeons.
Until next time, attend those damn park-planning meetings!Email us photos of any Certified Piece of Suck skatepark designs that you find: [email protected]
(300dpi, 5 inches wide)
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